For the New Year

2018 has sure been something. Between graduating university, getting my first ever full time job, freelancing at at nonprofit I adore, the usual life craziness with relationships, identity, and mental health I’d say the year has had ups and downs. I wanted to take a moment and embrace the cliche of New Year’s reflections, but avoid the pitfalls of resolutions.

As made apparent by this blog throughout the year, I resolve to do something like post once a week and then life gets in the way. Looking back, I think I prefer it that way since it means I was engaged and immersed in my life instead of memorializing it online. Ideally I could do both, but let’s take this one step at a time, huh? Living in the moment is something I’ve always struggled with based on my anxiety and need to please everyone around me. Being content was never enough unless everyone around me was also content, until recently. Starting therapy for my mental health was one of the best decisions I have ever made, and it has helped me realize it’s not my job to make everyone happy. Therapy has also taught me the best way to help others be happy is to share my joy with them, aka being happy helps other people be happy.

This lesson was twofold; really being happy means accepting that my own happiness is valid even when people around me are not. My emotions cannot be dependent on someone else. I learned this one the hard way several times over with breakups, graduation, and work matters. Thankfully, now that I know that, I’ve been applying it to my life to some degree of success. This also comes to bear on romantic relationships and work life in a big way. At work as a 911 dispatcher, separating yourself from the situations while retaining empathy is essential. It is impossible to be as hysterical as a caller and still help them, so logically and practically this made the lesson easier to apply. In my personal life, knowing how it felt to be happy just for me instead of for other people made it easier to cut toxic people out of my life. Furthermore, this made it easier for me to act like myself no matter who I was around, without apologizing or conforming to what people expected of me. And I’m better for it.

That’s all I really want to say for now. Maybe there will be another post later, who knows? *shrug*

new year 2PS. Have a good last day of the year. Do some crazy stuff just because you can.

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